This Day | October 11th

October 11th.

A couple of days ago I called my Mom. Per the norm, our conversation bounced from topic to topic. We talked about Lyla and her dance classes; about Ava and her attitude... before I asked her. I knew she'd know and I also knew that she didn't want to tell me. The day our dad died.


It's a weird thing, really. You don't want to celebrate or commemorate it- even remember it happened.  At the same time, you want to play a part in the support system that encompasses your loved ones on a day you know they are sad. I don't want them to hurt but in my heart, I know there's no stopping the pain of our loss.

Much like my sister, I am constantly telling stories of my dad to other people. And when my story is finished, the lucky recipent of the story smiles... and I'm smiling too because hell yes, he was a good man. My dad lives on in memory. Everyone said he would, but y'all. It's not good enough. I want him to know our daughters. I wanted him to walk my baby sister down the aisle. I want him to know her babies one day. I want my mom not to be without his company.


Missing him is like a storm. It's got highs and lows. It's got fear, laced with regret. Lot's of frustration.


You know what my biggest fear is? That slowly and in the most subtle way, I'll forget him. I know you're shaking your head thinking "Ya right. He's your dad". Obviously I won't forget him as a father but the little things that were a part of him... Like he always laid on the floor right in front of the TV with three pillows stacked up to watch movies. The sound of his laugh when something was REALLY and I mean REALLY funny, like he couldn't get air. How he used to get scabs off his hands with his pocket knife. That he used to let us hit his punching bag in the garage when we were little girls. His words of advice, y'all. How he used to remind me to stick up for myself because quite possibly, no one else would. When he used to take Megan and me to junk yards and let us listen to Creedence Clear Water Revival. He loved fruit. That it took major effort to keep him out of the kitchen while cooking. When he'd jab us in the ribs and BEG for us to take a shot back. His unforgiving tickling and his pride.


What I want is to make a list a mile long and keep it some where so that I won't forget. Because I am forgetting. He's not here. I don't get to call him and tell him my stories. Call him and see what he's up to. Despite our best efforts, when things are out of sight, they are out of mind.

To you, Dad.

I tell Lyla and Ava stories about you in an effort to remember. It's only been two years, I know. And I know you are watching over us. I can feel you though Lyla and my dreams. I know you're happy and I know you miss us just as much as we miss you.

I pray you've got company. You always hated being alone. Someone to eat with you, someone to talk with you. I hope you are watching my babies grow. It's something miraculous. Being a parent is everything you told me it would be. I try to keep the grace you had and to always check around for a better price.

You shouldn't be a memory, but you are. Sometimes my heart just aches to point that it physically pains me. You know,  I'm positive you hate that the three of us get upset that you're gone. Lately, when I think about you, I can see happy. I can remember you outside of the cancer, and that's a good thing.

Till then, Daddy. 

Your daughter,

Amanda

December **Shenanigans**

Well Christmas is over and I always morn. I just love the holidays. I love all the decorations that fill the house, the music, being able to live everyday in anticipation. It's just fun. I'm fine with it being December all year long. We've been busy but completely loving it. 

To start the month off, we went to the Polar Express in Grapevine. The girls loved being able to spend time with their cousins and grands.  Lyla thought it was amazing to see Santa and Mrs. Claus and to RIDE DA TRAINNNN! 

Camilla and Lyla. Such big girls and they absolutely LOVE each other. 

All the walking cousins, Clementine is still a wee little nugget but it won't be long before she joins the ranks!

Camilla and Lyla with their Nana and Papa (Cade's mom and dad) :-)

Camilla, Ava, and Lyla. 

Receiving a bell from Mrs. Claus, Lyla loved it!

Loved it so much she tried to eat it. :-)

For Christmas we were able to celebrate with all of our families and it was perfect. The girls were on cloud nine for weeks since we began our Christmas mid-December. The girls were completely showered with gifts. ANDDD I've been dying to get a bike to go along with a trailer that I got to tow the girls in. I finally got one for Christmas, woo who!! Since then we've been hitting the road! Here are a few shots of our December shenanigans. 

For Christmas, I had my dad's shirts made into three quilts. They are beautiful and a perfectly unique way for us to have memories of my dad. Love these ladies. 

Mimi (my mom) got the girls a bounce house for Christmas. HOLY COW. This thing is awesome. Both girls have an absolute blast jumping/ walking around, falling over, and laughing hysterically. ;-)

Family selfie. 

Rudolph the Red nose... Daddy and Lyla... 

Lyla got a biclisle (bicycle) from Santa! Ava promptly set in the back of it like half the gift was hers and hasn't given it up yet. Note: they don't get very far. Lyla can't work the pedals and  Ava is too heavy to pull around. Basically, they roll that thing in a circle then are off to the next adventure. #worthit

One of the most exciting gifts of the holiday... the minnie mouse balloon. 

We also do a lot of this. 

And some of this too. 

And here we have the lovely employee's at Academy Sports trying to get the bike down that I picked out. Yes, that is my husband hanging from the bike rack. It was close y'all. There was a leaning ladder and bikes almost crashing to the floor. So of course I decided to take a picture. :-)

Woo woo! Lyla looking all cool in her shades. You guys, I am in love with this thing. The girls love it too. 

Hoping you all have a fun and safe new year! Happy 2015! 

- Amanda 

That time when Ava turned one.

Hi everyone!

I have been wanting to post about sassy little Ava's first birthday. I finally got around to downloading the pictures. She had a breakfast and PJ's party and it was very quaint. We had a blast! It was our families and brothers and sisters and of course, Ava's betrothed, Eli. :-)

Here are some pictures. Just looking at these one month later, I feel like time is absolutely flying by. Reminisce with me, won't you?

Here's the birthday girl enjoying her birthday breakfast!

Ava and Auntie Ro

Ava and Miss. Nezz. That is her most favorite lady right there y'all. :) 

Opening gifts

Testing out gifts. :)

and of course some sharing is involved. 

Loving on her Nana (Cade's Mom)

Ava and her boyfriend, Eli. ;-)

So grown up. Rude. 

The little poster my friend Angie made for her birthday. She's amazing!

Hoping everyone is getting ready for the holidays. Merry Christmas and spend every moment loving on your family!

Amanda 

Still Here!

Hey Everyone!

We are still rocking over here at the Butler household! WOO WOO! It's been so long since I've blogged but I'm going to do my best to pick it back up again. 

This year Cade started teaching theatre at Independence High School in Frisco and I am in my first year as a librarian at Homestead Elementary in Lewisville. We are both LOVING our new adventures and are learning a lot. 

Enough of the boring stuff, I know the real reason any one reads this blog is to hear about the girls. :) They are just a hoot. Lyla is 2 years and a half years old and Ava is 1 year old. We are really starting to see their relationship bloom... into a small battle. Ha! Its innocent and hilarious to watch. Lyla has quite the adventure trying to keep every. single. toy. in the house away from Ava. We hear a lot of "No no Ava, that's Lyla's" these days. Hey, there's a learning curve for everything, right? 

Here are the highlights:

Ava:

• You love to follow Lyla around. You think she is so funny. :)
• You can eat every person in this house under the table. The only thing you aren't a fan of is an apple.
• You took your first steps when you were 10 months old... and I promptly set you down. :)  Unfortunately, that didn't stop you. Now, you are on the MOVE!
• You love your family and your nanny dearly. 
• You also can't do dairy very well. Right now you drink soy milk. 
• You can bust a move with the best of them! You LOVE to dance!
• Blonde! You've got blonde hair. I thought it would change as it grew in but, it's still very light!

Lyla:

• Oh. My. Gosh. I spend the majority of my day laughing with you. 
• You only refer to yourself in third person. "Lyla goes potty" or "Lyla watch Mickey Mouse"
• You are OBSESSED with Mickey Mouse, Curious George, and Frozen.
• SMART! Girl!! You count, can read lots and lots of words, you can speak spanish, and are working on writing your name. We are completely amazed with how much you know and continue to grow. We can thank your teacher and nanny for that. :)
• We are currently practicing how to use the big girl potty.  
• You like to call your daddy "Cade" sometimes. Haha. He just loveeees that. 
• Favorite thing: Fruit snacks.

A few weeks ago, we had some family pictures taken by our family's favorite photographer, Milano Photography! Wanted to share. I mean, prepare yourself. The cuteness of our girls is darn near unbearable. 

Little Miss Ava. Still struggling with the fact that she's one. 

Best friends. They just may not know it yet. :)

:)

The Fam. Just a big ole' buncha chaos. Love it. 

If looks could kill...

Perfect.

Happiest of Thanksgivings to you all. Hope you all spend time with those you love and most importantly, RELAX. 

- Amanda 

7 Months and 23 Months

These girls. They are just precious and it is SO much fun watching them interact with each other and learn about each other.

Lyla

• likes to say "Awhhh AWA" when Ava is crying 
• Likes to give AND take Ava's pacifier
• She puts together sentences. Really in the last few months she has blossomed into quite the toddler. 
• Knows quite a few of her numbers and alphabet! Smartie pants. :) 
• Lyla weighs about 35 pounds and is some where in the middle for percentile on height. 
• She has the best personality. We know that Lyla will be our sweet hearted little one and Ava will have a little more sass. :)

Ava

• Wants to crawl so baddddd!
• Has just started to realize when she is alone. 
• Love's to cuddle!! I. die. everytime.
• Sits up well on her own.
• Weighs about 18 pounds
• Starting to babble and we think we've heard mamamaama before. :)
• Not sleeping well, but neither did her sister around this age. 
• Ava has three teeth and three more that have just busted through her gums. All in about a month, poor girl. 

When you ask a two year old to take a picture. HA. Ya right, Mom. 

Again, Lyla is NOT in for pictures these days. Ava, however. HAM. :)

Stop. It. This pictures makes my uterus do a flip flop for more babies. Just sayin'. 

My sweet Lyla Joy. Excuse that I look like death. I have two under two. 'Nough said. :) 

Her hair these days. It's so long but these little front hairs are the pits! Hoping they grow out soon. :)

Happy June everyone. Enjoy the summer! We are hitting the pool and the playground like they were invented yesterday. 

- Amanda 

Helicopter EGG DROP

Yep. We took Lyla and Ava to an Easter egg hunt and they DROPPED EGGS FROM A HELICOPTER. I mean, I was more excited than the kids were. How cool?! Here is where you can insert the "well, when I was a kid, we didn't have cool things like this" comment.

Lyla absolutely loved it. When we first got there we got to see a puppet show about having Jesus in you heart. The story was told by several of Lyla's favorite farm animals to which she kept YELLING at from the crowd... COWW! NEIGHHHHH!!! MOOO ... so cute. She also kept busting a move in the chair every time music came on and that just pushed me right over the cuteness cliff. I felt like standing up and being like YEA, SHE IS MINE... SO CUTE RIGHT?? But I didn't. I've got self control. :) I'd like to point out that Lyla had a really good day which aren't as frequent as they used to be. Usually, we have a toddler flopping on the floor, screaming/demanding mickey mouse and a graham cracker. Today was a nice change of pace.  Ava did great too. She was just looking around enjoying the lights!

Once we watched our little puppet show, we grabbed a hot dog and watched them drop these eggs from the sky several times. Lyla is too little yet to run out there and hunt them so we took her to the infant-2 year old area. As soon as she got to the little egg patch she bent down and started putting these eggs in her little 'bibbit' (frog) basket like she'd been practicing her egg hunting skills recently. We had a lot of fun and the event was free. It was put on by Prestonwood Baptist Church and they were awesome. We loved how kid friendly everything was and the staff was extremely friendly. I highly recommend this to anyone with littles!

Lyla on the left about to go down HUGE bouncy house. Alone. **Not Pictured: The first time (this picture) she was fine. The second time she put her feet down and did a summer salt and landed on her face. Then we left. Esh. 

Big girl!

Pirate eggs. Again, SO COOL!

She way too interested in the eggs so the camera was a no-go. Couldn't get any pictures of her smiling!

Nothing says happy Easter like a pirate egg.

PRO

She's so pretty. I see a little girl when I look at her, not a baby anymore. :'(

The offical stroller pusher.

Taking a much needed nap. :)

Wishing you all a wonderful Easter!

-Amanda